It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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