I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
