Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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