i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
