Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
