Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
