There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
