Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
