i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
God, I missed his penis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
