Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
