This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
