How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
