so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
