i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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