No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
