If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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