How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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