So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
