just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
