When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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