he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
