wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
