I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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