Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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