How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
