I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
