ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
