Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
