Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
