That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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