she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
