There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
