her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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