I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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