Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
