on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
