Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
