the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
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