i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
