my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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