If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
