He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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