Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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