Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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