Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
