im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
