8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Randomize
