bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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