My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
