Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
