Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
