The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
