i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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