M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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