Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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