he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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