Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
