i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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