One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
