Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
