You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
