Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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