I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
