Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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